the quiet grumble of mid-November

This is a picture of the metamorphosing studio.  As you can see, the tripod on the floor represents the intention to start working on the video art project that was mentioned several posts ago.  The grumbling heard quietly throughout this month of not-very-many posts is the sound of being behind on so many things, as always.  Mostly I am behind on reaching my goals of self-representation on the web (both here and at r-e-r-t.org), but it is moving along, inch-by-inch.

I had a partial furlough this past week (and this current week), during which I had hoped to get caught up on those and other things, like preparing for TONIGHT’S WORKSHOP, but things tend to never really go as planned. However,  I am still glad for tonight’s forum, where I am going to get to work with others on a project that is still so mysterious to me.  I’m excited to see what happens!

(And here comes my philosophical rambling of the week:)

At-home vacations can be good times to reconnect with the balance point between your practical needs and your high-falutin goals, and through that, to redefine your priorities.  At the beginning of my “vacation” (which wasn’t really a total vacation, but was at least the idea of freedom), I was overly anxious to CLAIM my time and use it as selfishly as I could (i.e. by focusing on the stuff on my art to-do list).  Having to battle that against other responsibilities, I got kind of exhausted by that emotion fairly quickly!  Now that I’ve had enough of “my own” time that I’ve gone ahead and “wasted”, I feel that my outlook is more balanced (i.e., my greediness has subsided).  So, what I’ve learned is:

#1.  I exist not (only) to serve, but to INSPIRE.  This is what I should remember when I am forgetting to save enough space for creative work, or when I am doing something for someone else just because it is my habit to do so.  I have a creative inner child, here, Hello!

#2.  On the other hand, the ability to structure time in a way that leads to accomplishment requires maturity.  I have tended so far in my life to work really well within externally-drawn boundaries (school, themes, deadlines, etc.), and, in fact, I rather depend on them for my motivation and determination.  (That’s one reason why I do so much collaborative work.)  I need to develop my own inner authority figure whom I can trust, follow, and be accountable to; until I do, I better be grateful to those external structures (i.e. “day jobs”)!

#3.  Never underestimate the importance of warm-ups!  (Sweeping is one of my favorites.)

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